Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Feeling The Need To Rant

I seem to be a bit frustrated these last couple of days.  I have gained and lost the same pound over and over and it doesn't want to stay gone.

I'm afraid that my weight loss has stopped.  It's not even been six months yet and I'd hate to think that the "honeymoon" phase is over.  I still have 30 lbs to go.  My DH says to stop worrying about the numbers, that it will happen.  I can't.  I've realized today that I still have alot of things to work on with my mental state towards food.

I find myself wanting to eat, and if I sit and think about it I'm not really hungry.  At least I don't think I am. It's kind of hard to tell still.  My mind wanders to food, and it's all I can think about.  Obsessed really.  I know logically that this is normal, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I need to find things to do with myself, but when I think about it I can't come up with anything.  House chores just seem never ending, and with the price of gas lately who wants to go drive anywhere.  Unfortunately there isn't anything to do near my house.  There are times when living in a small town rural area is the pits.  I don't even have any friends to do things with.  Damn I'm frustrated.  Lonely.  Feeling loads of self pity.

Crap I'm over this.  I've spent the better part of 35 years feeling like shit about myself.  One would think it wouldn't be so damn hard to change that.  I realize that I'm a good person, even if some think otherwise, I don't hurt people, go out of my way to do anything I can for them.  I genuinely want to make others happy.  Why is it so hard for me to be?

I'm also a bit perturbed at my DH.   I wanted to take a week-end and go to Grandfather Mountain.  He doesn't want to go someplace where it involves alot of hiking and walking around.  He would rather go someplace different, sit on the porch, have a drink and all.  We do that now.  I want to get out and go now that I can.  I've spent my life sitting around, I want to move and do things. 

I know that if I don't do those things that I will end up right where I was and that will be the end for me.


Ed said...

Just say the heck with it and grab the camera and go by yourself or with the kids, they will keep ya moving and I bet they would love a trip to the mountain..:-))

CTG Ponies said...

I agree with Ed - go by yourself if no one else wants to go. Can you walk where you live? I love walking by myself on a path in the woods with just the sounds of nature. Maybe even throw in a quick sprint for a minute or so. If you keep moving, it will come off. You're doing a great job!!

DesertHen said...

You have every right to rant and feel frustration, but don't give up! Those stubborn last pounds will come off and you will reach your goal before you know it. I agree with Ed as well...just grab your camera and go...go for a walk, a hike, on a day trip. I know it can be a bit scary to get out there on your own, but once you start you will find a new found peace...time to clear your head and let those negative thoughts go. I'm proud of you Colleen! (((HUGS)))

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

I wonder if there are letterboxes or geocaches where you are wanting to go hike. I know that for us, treasure hunting in the forest is a huge motivator to get out, go hiking and exploring. It's so much fun that we don't even realize that we're exercising. And best of all we're spending time together as a family.
I am worried what I will do when the kids are grown in a few years...who I will letterbox with. I've went by myself a few times and it's fun, but a little more challenging.
And with the cost of gas, that's really holding us back. We've found all the letterboxes withing 75 miles of our house.
I am trying to figure out how we can do a cross country field trip letterboxing adventure. The cost of gas needs to drop before it can become a reality, though. *pout*