I've had a rough couple of days. Let me start by saying that I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me. I get really depressed when someone is unhappy with me or feels I've done them wrong in some way. I've had a couple of occassions recently that have dragged me down.
One involves my usual judge, lets just say I need to not let her get to me so much.
The other is a co-worker. Now we've worked together for about 11 years or so now and I considered her to be the closest friend I have other than my hubby and sister. She purchased a new product for work and I decided to give it a try. Did I ask her permission? No, she wasn't there and I didn't think it would be that big a deal as I would replace what I used. Apparently she didn't get that. She has been rather cool the last week or two and finally decided to talk with me about it.
I should of asked permission, I know that now. I was wrong in thinking that after all the time we've known each other she would know me well enough to know that I would replace what I used. It hurts to know that she was upset with me, and talked about it with the other girls, but took 2 weeks to say anything to me.
It is frustrating when someone just won't come to you and talk. Now all the little comments that the other girls made that didn't quite make sense to me fall into place. Makes me feel about 1 inch tall. Another blow to the self esteem that I am trying to hard to build.
Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Am I human and make mistakes? Yes, but my intention was always good. Why is it so hard for others to see the real me?
I'm beginning to believe that it just doens't pay to let people close to you, the blindside that comes just hurts my fragile heart too much.